What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 01:07
She found it foreign!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I could never make a relationship work though!
Does any other guys get turned on by dick pic makes you lick lips because you what to suck?
One cannot live in the past .
I said to her
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So, i spoilt her more .
I have no regrets .
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Would this be the day?
I couldn’t, believe it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What is the difference between the terms "Millennials" and "kids"?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do some men like older women?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Will you share your wife? Can she take both of us at the same time?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do a lot of autistic people not know how to style their hair?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
What’s the best way to get over someone you love?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it wasn’t much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When she asked me how she looked .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why do I sweat (mostly on face) when I eat usually spicy food?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was in good health!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i lived it daily.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ive learnt so much.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im still living with it.
He knew the spot.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I don,t even have a pension.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I never cut or harmed myself..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
All the time i was locked up.
Put me off passion for life!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was scared of men, in general
But, we were locked up after school.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were not on the streets..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Comes on , in middle age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was 9 years of age.
My family never makes their pension either.
So whats the point in blame.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She married twice! .
What did i know ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I write beautiful poetry .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i do to all so called friends.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Who then, do I blame.?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I will be 64.
I waited trembling.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is soul school!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was seconnd youngest,
But ive been too sick for many years..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She wouldn,t have been !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.